Someone like me

I have spent a lot of time in the past few days searching different websites for Bipolar Support and even reading blogs from other Bipolar women. I am trying to find something in common, something that screams out "that's me!", to help me feel like I am not alone in this and to even confirm within myself that I indeed am Bipolar.

My husband is supportive and he listens when I tell him about the new things I've read or learned about pertaining to this disorder but I know he doesn't understand it, how could he when I don't understand fully myself?

I have been having rapidly changing mood swings. Some days I experience happiness, anger and depression within the same day. Mostly, I have been finding that I am either easily agitated or depressed most days. It's obvious when I am in a "bad" mood and as much as I hate it, whomever is around me at the time will get some sort of backlash from it.  I think I am good at hiding the depression from most people but I don't like feeling as if I have no choice but to hide how I feel.

So, I had a discussion with my husband and opened up a little about how I am having a hard time letting go of things and people from my past. : my past life experiences and past relationships. I have made mistakes, went down the wrong path and my husband found the strength to forgive me and let me back in so I understand his point of view: How can we move on when I am still 'living' in the past?

 I am not for certain that he understands its just a part of who I am. For now, I am satisfied that at least he knows how I feel and we are OK. My therapist had explained to me reasons why I have this problem but I stopped seeing her months ago thinking therapy wasn't necessary, like my meds. I regret this decision. Therefore, I am starting back therapy next week and potentially meds soon after.

I felt like my therapist truly 'got me' like no one else has. It was if I was a book that she had read many times and was reciting it to a friend, using only the high and low points. She knew me better than I knew myself.

My hope is that I will find other people, mainly women, that are dealing with Bipolar Disorder, that will 'get me' like my therapist. Besides, there's nothing better than FREE therapy from Friends right?